Well I hate to be so vengeful, but I proved you wrong. Twice. Twice. Someone has called me with a blade in their hands, and I've made them stop. I've made them rethink living. I'm starting to believe I threw you life preservers and I gave you organ transplants but you just let them rot or float out to sea.
But on a note that is in tune...
It feels so good to be using the past tense. It feels so good to be able to talk to you and give you hope about tomorrow. Just. Tomorrow. You can make it. Helping you heals me. You can do it. I have every confidence in you, my friend. I value your existence. I love your eyes, your freckles, your gait. I love you. Just, as a holistic little blip in the universe, it's a treasure. And I'm so glad I can say this without Chris getting mad, he knows what I really mean. I love that boy more than anything, and you are a terrific friend. I'm so glad he lets me be the me I'm meant to be.
You give me hope that tomorrow I won't slip on this precarious slope on to safety and into the recovery room and out the door of the hospital. Did you ever believe that? Your pain gives me hope. There is purpose. Purpose for the Pain by Renee Yohe. I won't buy it for you, because that might be weird but I promise to let you borrow it and if you like it, you can keep it. I'd give the shirt off my back for you. I'm glad to have friends like you around. So. Glad. That I am alive for this.
It seems like something I shouldn't look forward to, saving a life everyday. It seems like it would get tiring. And truth be told, it is, when they don't try to get better. If you have an addict that pulls out the cocaine in front of you, it's hard to feel as if you are making a difference. It's hard to feel as if the guts you are drowning yourself in will ever become the air you breathe.
But you make it worth it. You are meaningful. You are worth it.
I will always be here for you. I will never forget you.
You are part of me.
My little drummer boy.
Sorry that it doesn't quite fit.
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